a sudden moody...

I know that v shud not see things that are surface..v still do so?why?this is human...i saw sumthing on a gal's site in frenster..i saw a pic that taken wit him n her..n it is a close to each other...the caption wrote it as hav faith wt him..i was totally blank mind...i thought im edi ok wit that ..why? now onli i notice..the reason that cause our break up is her..although he din mention anything...but i think it is the reason...i kno all of this jus my thought, n may be they are jus frens..but i reli couldnt accept that...i can accept that he broke wit me is becos of other reason..but if the reason is 3rd party..im totally cant accept it...why?why he wan to choose me..i cant stand wit all of this..im serious on a relationship n not a fool...may be an early break up is better for me..at least i know that he is this type of person...i shud be happy on it..since i haven totally fall on it ..moody or sadness may be jus a moment..if a mistake occur continuously..it may be a deep hurt forever...

fan fan fan...

It's been a few days i din touch my notebook edi..the computer super slow jus like a turtle walking..hate it..i wish i can get a new 1 but too bad..i onli can get it when i earn my own money..these few days quite many things happened..he came n return all the stuffs to me edi..i refuse to get his help from him n i also return his money back to him, the time when i return back to him, he was shocked..may be he couldnt expect i will pay him back ...finally evything is closed file edi...its time to wipe evything off edi..sumtimes i felt that how can each of them soo selfish..when going to take responsibility to do smth, why they want to use busy to push them away n push here n there..this incident make my parents suffer a lot..evything push it to them to do it...how can?each of them shud be resposibility to their part..selfish.. i hate them..too bad.. i couldnt say a single word, onli can express it to sis..n my little bloggie...haiz..luckily this case is completely settle by mao kai cum to fetch grandma go to his house..luckily..if not dad confirm will be totally exhausted...exam is approaching edi..although im almost complete edi but still felt very tension on it...since this is the last chance for me...i didnt wish to aim high, onli it can make me enuf to go to uk n attend may's convo..is more than enuf for me edi..yesterday suddenly receive a good news from pc..knew that if i pass, i can attend may;s convo..im happy til speechless edi..this time i ned to put extra effort on it..couldnt fell again..

April 14 - 12.12am

Today jus came back from kl..totally tired n exhausted..becum kuli today..haha..shifting all my stuffs back to ipoh..now the house is full wit my stuffs..quite messy actuali..hehe..this few days..there are quite many things happened..sum of them are bad news also..yesterday suddenly receive a call from a unknown num..when i ans the call notice that it was chris..she told me she couldnt contact her so she asked me to contact her n told her not to tell her bro n sis that her grandma was passed away..when i listened it, i was totally shocked wit that..i was wondering wut happened actuali..i still remembered before that i still take a visit to her new house n chat wit her grandma..how can evything happen soo suddenly..may be in a superstitious way to say, this year is not a good year..seems like there are many bad news listened from evywhere of diffrent types of incident...sumtimes i was wondering, life could be miserable n unpredictable, we couldnt predict wut will happen for the next second, so v shud appreciate those ppl that are still around so that v won be regret..this is wut i told myself always..besides, today my sis told me that mom was asking her about why i broke up so suddenly..i knew that mom is quite worried about me but she didnt mention a single word in front of me..even me also dun dare to mention anything to her..sis totally cant accept i edi broke up so do evyone beside me..evyone thought that i was jus having cooling time wit him...nobody knew that how much tears i had dropped to recover back this relationship..but too bad..i couldnt make it..now when i think back, i shud felt appreciate wit that, actuali he is not as good as the one to be mine..may be all the while v are jus forcing each other to suit wit each of us...now is 12.12am..for april14..wut shud i said..today shud be our 4 months anniversary but now turn out to break up for 12 days..wut the fuck..wut a totally upside down change..big changes to me..

troublesome

wow...jus cum back from kl yesterday..tired like hell.slep like a pig yesterday..may be too tired edi til whole din move at all..now my right hand painful edi..charm...yesterday i met eugene..i told him evything...guess wut, he asked me to forget about him..terrible peopls shud not miss him edi...i agree wit him..sumtimes, im thinking..wut if he reli got smth hide from me or do smth for my own good which makes him to break up wit me..will i be wit him again..the ans is no...he shud not easily giv up on our relationship which is hard to built up, he dare to destroy it at 1 time..i bet he won understand how much painful i had..i swear i won accept him 1 more time...haizz..wana move edi...ned to go back kl tomolo again..sien...during exam still ned to cum back...ned to stay over sis there..troublesome me ..far from my college...ned to go back to do soo much things in may..summore damn the office couldnt do evything efficiently ....troublesome me which make me cant do many things..beside the terrible owner is another person who troublesome me...wana inspect the house..n i ned to go back again..how can i do so much things at 1 time...i wish i can drive n hav a car..at least it won be troublesome for me...haizz...people grow up..there will be many probs..i wish im still a kid..at least no ned to think soo many things n make decision...i hate it....

DaY 3...

wut a hot and sunny day...its been 3 days in a row i din study at all..today i bougth 2 mag from a book store sat in the living room for a couple of hours til late aftanoon..not much things happen..today i jus told binn weng about him..he was damn shocked about that...n kep on asking wut happen , why evything happen soo suddenly...i told him evything..he relieve me and said that today let me to express evything to him woo..felt quite warm..this old buddy reli very caring..hehe..afta this incident, i reli felt that frens are important..bf are not everything..bf or even husband is not guarantee for future but frens are forever n ever...haiz..no thinking about him laa..2ml ned to go back kl lonely taking bus..its been a long time din take lrt n go pudu..pity laa..haiz...

DaY 2...

erm..today is the second day i ned to wake up at 6smth to folow my dad to pray my greatgrandmother...very sleepy le..ned to wake up at 6..long time din do that edi..a bit suffer..these 2 days i din even open my book..hehe..treat it as a 2 days holiday for myself..not much things happen for today..yesterday nite..pooiyee msg me..i knew that she mus be worried me so much but too bad..i cant meet her..i miss her soo much..cant wait to tell her evything..her msg did gif me soo support n felt touching, a feeling of warm..pooiyee thanks soo much...always be there for me when i ned ur support..jusnow hav a small chat wit hormei as well..did mention about our way to uk..there are too many things for me to do..i will be the busiest person in this 2 months..haha..too much things ned to handle..cant separate myself also..we did mention about him as well when i told her that if possible i wish to work in uk..when im wit him, i did think about it before, but im too innocent n naif..think about him, so i decided to work in kl n promise him i will cum back..but now evything is change, no ned to think about any person..wut i ned to think is for myself..recently, onli i think about this prob..i did asked my parents, they felt very happy n wish me to work there if i can get a job at there..i wish to work there as well..from the surface, it seems like i reli think about my career...ya..half of it..another half is i wish to go far away from him...a place without anything that relate to him n make me think about it..quite suffer.. a little tiny thing that relate to him, i felt unhappy as well..such as a spectra car, a movie, a bear, a tv show, food,ring, white roses and many many things...how can i able to forget him that easy..although onli 3 months, but he is my first love..now onli i realise why many people said that first love are hard to forget, now i knew it..i tested it..it didnt sound good..but worst..i told bro edi..although he din ask much things..but i think inside his mind will think about it..cos he is the only guy i bring back to our house..haizz..seems like this will make them think that im fooling in love, n playing around..i swear im not..if i din love him, i will begin wit him but it sounds like it suit the lyrics from "say goodbye"- "when i begin wit u, after all we have been thru, I dun think it will be right if we get together so suddenly..." it seems like mention about us...the time when i start listen to this song i love it soo much,, i still remember hormei said that im soo happy now, this situation not happen to me..who knows, it reli happen..he said goodbye and didnt seems he wana try...

DaY 1...

Today is the first day i sign up for the account of the blog..wut makes me has this kind of idea..may be recently too many things happened in my life..couldnt breathe at all..tears is dropping for many times..many advises are listened from many frens n even families seems it couldnt help me at all..may be this is the first time i fell..i felt very painful, lonely, sadness, heartbroken..thousands of words from my mouth couldnt come up..during that time. i saw them shopping for the stuffs on going out to overseas, only me, the only me still stepping at the same step, couldnt go as far as them..felt soo sad..i even used liquor to made me forget evything but it seems useless. i thought nobody will know my sadness but he did noticed..that time i really think that he is the only person who can understand me, who knows, the one who knows me soo much are the one who hurt me lots..the hurts that i had are more thousands cuts in my body...is bleeding..my heart was bleeding..because of some nonsenses, we are over...that time i felt like i lost evything..studies and him..made me seems like i lose everything..luckily she is beside me and support me all the time n help me to go thru my hard times...im reli appreciate her for evything that she did..thanks...i did promise to myself..i will never ever tuen back time even if he wishes to turn back..no such things should happen..i will not drop into that deep andblack hole again..all the things that he gave me seems meaningless to me...he did gv lots of memories to me but the sadness more than the happiness..sumtimes, in mind, there are a thought of thinking i wish i can turn back time, turn back to the time that i wish i never ever meet him..may be there will not be many hard times..nvm..it is over, this is wut i told myself for evyday..i used many things to forget him such as music..this is the only things to relieve me..without it, my mind will surrounding wit him...i believe i can go thru it...times are needed..there is still a long road for me to go thru..i shud go straight wit no turning back...cheerz st..i can do it!!!