bad day + pressure

what a excited and surprise day...results release today..totally dun have much time to get ready on this..queueing up on meeting mr colin, is just a prisoner waiting for his punishment ..this kind of feeling is not good at all..after knowing bout my results, i was like totally collapse and unaccpetable...sumthing like couldn't accept the terrible results that i get...i didn't cry at all..but i was just kep on smiling on them..i felt like im collapse and crazy til i couldn't accept it is truth..i couldn't accept that i can get this kind of results..this is the onli subject that i expect i can gain a higher marks.. but too bad i couldn't..i hate myself...hate myself soo much...til i wana kill myself....how can such an idiot still being staying alive in this world..i hate evything...i was wondering so much effort i have been put on it....expected that i at least i can get a better results that the previous..i swear i really know how to do..i swear..i did put effort on it..i reli know how to answer both of the questions..why?why?why? pls tell me why ?how come my effort couldn't be show up on my results..i thought that i can cry out..may be this will be a way to release out my painful...too bad, not even a drop of tears are falling down..it is damn suffer..im soo suffer..thought that i'll be fine after a while...unluckily, after a chat wit kor kor, evything is still remain the same..the problem is still there..how much pressure he is giving me...forcing me to be in the status of high distinction..how come he couldn't view from my view point..kor, im being soo suffer when i get my results, i dun even dare to tell to them..i knew that im letting them down of being not trying my best and keep on playing around..daddy, mummy...i swear..during exam time i swear i reli did study, i didn't fool and play around...i didn't..u mus trust me...i felt soo much pressure now...duno wut can i do now...the moment that i receive my results, it seems like all my efforts is just like fading away...why???how come all those unlucky things are still surrounding me...i thought after my cfm cases and barry ...evything will be turn out...unluckily, it didn't...it is still there...im soo much suffer now...even if i tell hormei they all, nth much will changes...they will just said that nvm lar, try again...i knew that they are concern about me aso..i reli knew it..but it didn't work out....at that moment, evything is turning good..the moment when i was alone..i was like wana cry....felt that im soo much useless..soo much pressure on me now..next week are going to have exam again...i know nth about this sub...this feeling is not good at all..im soo much fear on it..much more fear on the prev 2...pls tell me ...how to release all those pressure that i have now..soooo much pressure...all i can do is to write down evything in here..to release it out..at least, i can release it out, if not im going to burst out...explode...i hate it....i knew that im soo much anger today...those fooling from vince...im totally fuck up...normally, i won't have soo much anger...today, i can't control at all...i just don't bother whether he is vince or xw...i just dun care...i hate being fool when i was not in a mood...i knew that they might not know how much anger i have now...shud not blame them at all..gosh...im soo much blurr now...damn it!!!!