the day after black friday

Now is already 4.07am in the morning, i just finished chatting with him. What should i said, talking to him everyday is becoming a habit which i need to do for everyday.non of the day is exeption although either one of us was busy on something. Even if either one of us was on time, another one of us will wait for others.guess what? the longest hours that i have been waiting for him is 4 hours..which was the day i was back from blackpool.all of this occured is because of his beloved friend who purposely fool us of not letting us chatting with each other..luckily his plan was not successfully, end up v are able to chat with each other. i still remember that day v had chat til 6smth in the morning..v are crazy!!!this is my first time of being so crazy.It's been really a long time i did nto drop by to left down a blog..just wondering today there was a mood for me to left down something over here..may be recently, i was so busy on my stuffs or lazy on writting all those feeling down here..erm...ever since i came to uk, it was just like a brand new environment and my life is being enlightened..i couldn't remember since when i was chitting with him and there was a question surrounding on my mind that when was he fell in love with me..everything is just like a question mark for me..i admit,all the while, he got a good impression for me, quiet and nice guy..good in study..he was just like a person which are totally different from barry.what i couldn't get from barry, i can get them from him..flash back on think back, i think everything is just happened yestereday. i still remember i was always waiting for him to online when i was in ipoh..but i just couldn't get him online..it was just like a fate...v have been chatting for many times when v are online...v have been chatting for many things from him to her...i think it was the time that i had a good feeling on him til everyday when im online, my mind will think about whether he will online???i never think that he had the same feeling as me..i was glad when he told me..the feeling is grow is when i receive his msg in friendster when i reach uk..although the msg is nth much, i just feel warm n glad that he remember me..this is out of my expectation. I didn't think much at the moment til his msg coming when he got free sms..and even he called me, til that time only i noticed he fell in love..i really felt happy when i knew about that..about me?what is my feeling on him??seriously til no wi still duno..canot say that i didn't like him nor like him..It is just in the middle of it..the past incident that i had are giving a great impact on me til now i still couldn't let it go..and i found out i was afraid of giving commitment to anyone else..i was really afraid, i was afraid til i rather hurt people than i was hurt.i knew that i had been hurting him little by little..although he didn't say anything, i just knew it..he was trying to protect me and share my problem..i knew that he didn't feel good aso especially i told him that i felt ng kum yuan...these words are just like a knife cutting in the heart...If all the past incident that lies with me are still hanging on, there shall be no such day that v can be together. and first of all, i really need to ensure that im really fall on him then only im able to make a move, but this move is kinda hard to step out..each of his friend are so excited about our relationship til i felt happy for them as well but not for myself..what i was afraid is i scare everything will just like a life cycle, after the recovery process, everything will continue again, i couldn;t stand for it anymore if there is a second chance..but another part of me have a feeling that he is not thet kind of person that i think of, he is much more better than that fella...sometimes, i was just like standing on the middle and couldn't make out my mind..i wish to use these 3 months for me to critically evaluate what kind of person he is..sometimes, he is just like don't want to care everything, or what i can say is not enuf caring i can get from him, not much...til i will suspect the things that he did is just a dream or truth..pls pls pls..im really in the middle of it..how much all the bad thing are still surrounding my mind...i want to wipe them off!!!hate it!!!He is being so kind of listening to me when im talking about barry..he didn't even say a word, just listen and support me...and i didn't notice i did hurt him as well..am i too selfifh of getting hurt til i became the person who hurt people...xiau weng, seriously, i didn't wish to let u wait for me, i really need time,..i found out i really don;t know what i want, one part of me is couldn't let everything go however the other part of me will be missing him everyday..gosh..what happen to me????being soo blurr on everything..Time is so much import ant for me now!! I need it !!!!